i’m a coffee marketer’s dream…

so today at work I was checking out the vast array of coffee flavors available in the kitchen and I must admit, it was really overwhelming. a couple of people walked through the kitchen and made comments as I was staring at the coffees, tapping my foot and doing the stumped with a decision face….
How on earth did I choose a flavor, you may be asking yourself. I won’t keep you on the edge of your seat. I’ll tell you. The brilliant descriptions of the coffees – they really cater towards an individual’s needs.

(Can you tell that I’ve been kinda scraping the barrel for blog topics lately? I mean for real, this is like when you’re watching previews at the movies and you’re like “REALLY? They’re making a movie about a water stain on someone’s house that looks like Jesus?”)
Anyway so, our coffee company of choice here at Everyday Health is Green Mountain Coffee. Here are a few examples of the ridiculous but totally convincing coffee descriptions. Whoever has the job of writing those decsriptions, SIGN ME UP.

Blueberry flavor: “A celebration of summer, with its sweet flavor of juicy sun-kissed blueberries baked to perfection in a buttery crust.”

Southern Pecan: ” With each sip, you’ll taste the rich essence of roasted pecans. Just like Southern hospitality.”

Damn – tempting right? Especially that blueberry one. How could you NOT want to drink that? So, I decided to play a little game where I go with the coffee that I felt best fit my personality.

Here are the contenders:

Parisan Nights – “smoky, powerful, and invigorating.” Although I am sometimes all of those things, it’s not really an adequate description of me in a general sense.

Italian Blend – “dark, smooth, sweet.” Hmm. Sounds more like the description of a slow jam to me.

Columbian Fair Trade Select – “classically balanced, vibrant with a splash of ripe fruit.” um…hell no. if anyone ever described me as balanced, they obviously don’t know me. or “classically” anything. no thanks.

Breakfast Blend – “bright, sweet, engaging – our favorite way to start the day.” jackpot!! I am all of those things. I verified this with my boss and he agreed that yes, i am bright, sweet and engaging and most definitely everyone’s favorite way to start the day.

hahaha – no, you can’t have the time back that you spent reading this blog post.

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